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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30032613">Tides</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/alakeofstars/pseuds/alakeofstars'>alakeofstars</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Dialogue Heavy, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Lucas Just Really Loves the Ocean and Also Ten, M/M, Software Engineers In Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Characters:</b></td><td>Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,201</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Can’t we talk about something else? I will bond with you over literally anything else. What’s your favorite dinosaur?”</p><p>Ten laughed. “My favorite dinosaur? I haven’t been asked that question since I was eight.”</p><p>“Yeah, well,” Yukhei said with a grin. “I’m asking you now. C’mon,” he added, gesturing with his hand. “Hit me.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Ten said, shaking his head with a shrug. He picked the first one he could think of, “Ankylosaurus?”</p><p>“Ankylosaurus?” Yukhei repeated. His face grew serious. “Actually, I’m sorry I asked.”</p><p>Ten laughed again. “What’s wrong with ankylosauruses?” He twisted his mouth. “Anklyosauri?”</p><p>“It’s ‘ankylosauruseses’ and everything, and fuck you for not knowing that. We’re never going to be friends,” Yukhei deadpanned.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Ten was, in a word, miserable.</p><p class="p1">Not only did he hate conferences, but he especially despised the ones that required travel. It was one thing to have to spend days on end listening to the droning of presenters whose experience, advice, and insight had very little relevancy to him—he could almost stomach that, but to bookend that waste of time with hours of air travel? It was almost too much to ask and he had half the mind to tell his boss exactly that.</p><p class="p1">To make it worse (and that was quite the feat), the Monday before the trip, it was announced that Yukhei would be attending as well.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>I don’t know why he bothers you so much,” one of the members of his team said when he complained about it later in the office kitchen. <span class="s1">“</span>He’s a really nice guy.”</p><p class="p1">Ten rolled his eyes. <span class="s1">“</span>He’s so <em>loud</em>. I had to put on my noise-canceling headphones three times last week,” Ten complained. “He doesn’t even sit in our area. He’s in DevOps and I can still hear him half a floor away.”</p><p class="p1">It was an exaggeration, sure, but not too far off: Yukhei had one of those voices that carried and his laughter echoed off the walls at times when he really got going. Ten was going through enough in his personal life, with his recent break-up, that the last thing he wanted to hear was someone laughing.</p><p class="p1"><em>Hell is other people</em>, Ten thought in the taxi and then, with a soft laugh, corrected himself: <em>Not other people. Hell is Yukhei. </em></p><p class="p1">At least it was Tuesday and not crowded at the airport. The driver had no trouble pulling right up the terminal, but, in his rush to get to his next fare, he pulled Ten’s luggage roughly from the trunk and set it down with a slam.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Oi,” Ten breathed irritably but tipped him anyway.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>You made it,” a deep voice behind him said cheerfully and Ten sighed. Yukhei reminded him of being at the dentist, how the assistants always praised him for doing a good job while getting x-rays. Like he had to be a genius for sorting out how to sit still.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Yep,” Ten said as he turned, busying himself with getting out his ID for check-in. <span class="s1">“</span>I made it. Amazing.”</p><p class="p1">
  <em>All I did was get in the cab.</em>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>This is my first conference,” Yukhei said, beaming away.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Don’t get too excited. They’re boring as hell.”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei’s smile faded slightly but then he seemed to recover. <span class="s1">“</span>Well, at least we get to see the city.”</p><p class="p1">Ten opened his mouth to make a comment about how he had already been, how it wasn’t anything to write home about, but as he did, he realized that something was wrong with the wheel on his luggage. It rolled but with a pronounced wobble and when he looked down, he realized that the hard landing earlier when the driver set it down had cracked the wheel.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he hissed, crouching down and tugging at the wheel. Half of it pulled away.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Damn. What happened?”</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>It broke,” Ten snapped. <span class="s1">“</span>It broke off. See?” He held up part of the wheel. Ten straightened back up and sighed. He’d have to lug it through the terminal, all one million pounds of it. That was, he supposed, what he got for not packing lightly. And being cursed.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Here,” Yukhei said, holding out the handle to his own suitcase. <span class="s1">“</span>You take mine. I’ll carry yours.” Ten must have made a face without realizing because Yukhei laughed and shook the handle at him. <span class="s1">“</span>Let me help you,” he said gently.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>It’s heavy.”</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>I’m strong,” he said with a shrug.</p><p class="p1">Ten had to give him that. He would have had to have been blind to have not noticed Yukhei’s arms, even though he seemed dedicated to his wardrobe of hoodies and layered flannel button-downs. Every so often, especially on warmer days, he would find Yukhei in the kitchen, stripped down to a t-shirt and he’d curse whatever god put such a fantastically built, incredibly obnoxious man in his office.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Fine.” He took Yukhei’s suitcase from him and then, without another word, started toward the terminal doors.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>You’re welcome,” Yukhei said softly behind him.</p><p class="p1">It was going to be a long trip, wasn’t it?</p><p class="p2"> </p>
<hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Ten had settled into his seat on the plane with some expectation of taking a nap but before they had even taken off, Yukhei had made friends with the other passenger in their row. Even with the noise-canceling headphones on, it was hard for Ten to ignore him completely. He was too close, his voice was so loud, and the woman next to them was, apparently, the funniest person Yukhei had ever met—or he was flirting, Ten thought with no small amount of irritation—because he kept laughing.</p><p class="p1">Would it be hard to schedule his return flight at a different time? Maybe if he paid for it, he could leave earlier and spend a day recovering from the whole experience.</p><p class="p1">Yukhei leaned in and said something after the other passenger got up to use the restroom, and then repeated, <span class="s1">“</span>I said she’s nice,” when Ten had to pull one of the earphones off to hear him properly.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Yes,” Ten agreed in what he hoped was a noncommittal tone. <em>Please, please don’t talk to me</em>. He was desperate for a moment of peace and quiet.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Have you ever played this game?” Yukhei asked, pulling his Switch out from the front pocket of the seat in front of him.</p><p class="p1">Ten waited for a beat for him to give some clue as to what game he was talking about, to tilt the screen—anything—but when Yukhei didn’t, he was forced to ask, “What game?”</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span><em>Breath of the Wild</em>.”</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>No,” Ten lied.</p><p class="p1">(He owned it, actually, and had logged quite a few hours on it but his ex-boyfriend had teased him about being afraid of fighting the monsters that came out at night. Judging from watching the way Yukhei dove in headfirst when he came across a campsite hosting several of those awful beasties, he figured that Yukhei would probably do the same.)</p><p class="p1"><em>Pass</em>.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>You want to watch?” Yukhei offered, glancing over. All three monsters had been quickly dispatched and now he was running around, collecting whatever weapons had dropped after the melee. <span class="s1">“</span>I can prop it up on the tray if you want—“</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>No thank you,” Ten said and then the other passenger was back, and they both had to shift as she squeezed her way back to the window seat.</p><p class="p1">As luck would have it, <em>she</em> was more than happy to watch and Ten left the two of them to it, ignoring the small, almost imperceptible twinge of—what? Jealousy? He went back to his podcast and turned up the volume until Yukhei was drowned out, and then, mercifully, he fell asleep.</p><p class="p1">An hour and a half later, he woke with a start. Yukhei was shaking his shoulder.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Seat belts,” he said softly as if talking to a small child.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>It’s on, it’s on,” Ten mumbled back. His mouth was dry and he wondered if he had snored. God, he hoped not; he didn’t need to give Yukhei anything to comment on later. <span class="s1">“</span>Do you have anything to drink?”</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Yeah,” Yukhei said, and he leaned down to pull his yellow Hydro Flask from his carry-on. <span class="s1">“</span>There was ice in there earlier. It’s probably still cold. I don’t mind you drinking from, you know—“ Yukhei added when Ten started unscrewing the top. <span class="s1">“</span>Whatever it’s called. The spout.”</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Straw,” Ten corrected automatically and re-screwed the lid.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>That.”</p><p class="p1">The water was cold like Yukhei said, but it took Ten a moment to realize that he tasted the smallest hint of something minty. Lip balm? He glanced over at Yukhei’s mouth, trying to see if there was a slight sheen. There wasn’t—maybe gum?</p><p class="p1"><em>Nice lips</em>, he thought and promptly sputtered.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Whoa, hey,” Yukhei said, reaching over to pat him on the back. <span class="s1">“</span>You okay?”</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Inhaled,” Ten croaked and then coughed, shoving the water bottle back over to Yukhei more aggressively than he intended—but he wanted Yukhei’s hand off his back, he wanted him to stop being so damn nice. He wanted to be home, where he could be alone and unhappy without feeling guilty about it.</p><p class="p2"> </p>
<hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">They split up at the hotel. Yukhei offered to have dinner with him, but Ten shut him down quickly and efficiently by mentioning room service.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>We can do dinner tomorrow night,” Ten said when Yukhei’s look reminded him of a sad, scolded puppy that didn’t quite understand what he had done wrong—and that wasn’t far off the mark. They hadn’t interacted much before this, so Ten’s behavior wasn’t entirely rational. Clearly, it was one-sided too: he snapped and pushed when they did talk, but Yukhei stayed patient and friendly.</p><p class="p1">He was doing everything right. Ten was— </p><p class="p1"><em>Depressed, maybe,</em> he thought to himself as he threw himself down on one of the beds in his room. <em>Probably.</em></p><p class="p1">Which was fine, his therapist had told him that it was understandable coming out of an unhappy relationship that had been a struggle for long before the actual break-up. It would pass, things would get better and he would start feeling better, but Yukhei’s arrival had come right as Ten had started recognizing that something was broken and couldn’t be fixed, no matter how hard he tried, and all of the frustration with himself and with Kun had <em>perhaps</em> transferred to him.</p><p class="p1">Ten meshed his fingers together behind the back of his head and pressed further into the pillow until all he could hear was his breathing.</p><p class="p1">It wasn’t fair, he knew it wasn’t, but it had been safer to be angry with Yukhei for something small and harmless than with Kun for, say, an affair. With one of their friends, no less.</p><p class="p1">(God, he really hated Kun sometimes, but whenever he did, it made him feel bad to hate someone that he had loved so deeply.)</p><p class="p1">Ten rolled onto his side and plucked the room service menu off the bedside table. Traveling always ruined his appetite but he knew it was better to order something and force himself to pick at it rather than wait for breakfast the next morning when he’d be ravenous and more likely to inhale a stack of pancakes and every packet of butter on the table. At least now he could be mindful and get something healthy and incredibly boring, like a salad.</p><p class="p1">(He never used to care about that. He never worried about his weight until the affair and the break-up.)</p><p class="p1">After dinner, Ten showered and changed into his pajamas, and then crawled into bed and turned off the light. There was a movie playing on the television but Ten wasn’t paying attention.</p><p class="p1">He fell asleep quickly and, blissfully, dreamed of being anywhere but where he was until the fire alarm went off in his room, too loud and too close to the bed, the flashing lights illuminating the room.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Ten gasped as he rolled out bed gracelessly, barely managing to get his feet beneath him. He was almost into a pair of sweatpants when someone pounded on his door, making him jump.</p><p class="p1">It was Yukhei. Of course, it was.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>C’mon,” he said, his voice serious, and took Ten’s arm, pulling him out of his room.</p><p class="p1">They made good time toward the exit sign, and then something behind them slammed shut and Ten jumped.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Shit!”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei’s hand moved from Ten’s back to his shoulder, squeezing gently, and beneath the alarm, Ten heard him say, “It’s okay. It’s the fire doors.”</p><p class="p1">The stairs were at the end of the hall and when Ten opened the door, there was a steady stream of people. Yukhei’s fingers tightened on his shoulder again and then held on, keeping them linked, and Ten was suddenly overwhelmingly grateful that Yukhei was there. Doing this alone would have been brutal.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Across the street,” Yukhei said and Ten nodded, following the crowd toward the hotel staff waving on the street corner.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>I didn’t bring my key,” Ten realized.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>We can figure that out later.”</p><p class="p1">Ten found space for them on the sidewalk, a few steps away from the group. It was a cold night and he hadn’t had the time to find his jacket in the confusion and rush to evacuate the building; he wrapped his arms around himself and shivered.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>You’re freezing,” Yukhei said when he heard Ten’s teeth chatter.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>I’m just amped up,” Ten tried, but Yukhei was already unzipping his hoodie and taking it off. Yukhei draped it over his shoulder and pulled it tight around him. <span class="s1">“</span>Now <em>you’re</em> going to freeze.”</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>I’ll be fine,” Yukhei said cheerfully and rubbed his hands over Ten’s arms briskly, trying to warm him up. How was he so alert? Had Yukhei even fallen asleep?</p><p class="p1">Two fire engines pulled up to the hotel, but none of the firefighters were moving quickly enough for it to be an emergency. He wasn’t at all surprised when the alarms stopped soon after and the staff began to direct guests back toward the building.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Sorry about that, folks,” someone said at the front door. <span class="s1">“</span>False alarm.”</p><p class="p1">Ten grumbled but kept his comments to himself. It wasn’t their fault the fire alarms had gone off and woke everyone up; it would be a hard day the next morning but not as bad as it could have been had there actually been a fire.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Thanks for making sure I got out all right,” he said at the elevators and Yukhei smiled.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Of course. Besides, can you imagine the shit I would be in if I had left you behind in a burning building? Kun would have been pissed.”</p><p class="p1">Ten’s head jerked slightly at the mention of Kun.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Oh,” he said, playing with the hem of one of Yukhei’s sweater sleeves. <span class="s1">“</span>We actually broke up. A while ago.”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei’s brows lifted but for the most part, his expression stayed neutral. They had met at the holiday party and hit it off surprisingly well, considering Ten had warned Kun in advance that one of his coworkers had the tendency to get under his skin. When Ten and Kun broke off, it had even been one of those low-level, mostly bitchy points of contention: they couldn’t even agree on who was and wasn’t annoying. They could never work through anything more serious, more important.</p><p class="p1">Ten felt guilty now. He should have fought with Yukhei more over taking his sweater, considering how much shit he had talked about him before.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>I’m sorry,” Yukhei said, blissfully unaware of Ten’s inner conflict. <span class="s1">“</span>Was it a bad breakup?”</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Nah, it was a lot of fun,” Ten snorted. <span class="s1">“</span>I highly recommend it. Five stars.”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei offered Ten a smile and then, as the elevator door opened, gestured for him to go first.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Ah, fuck,” Ten said as the door slid shut. <span class="s1">“</span>I should have gotten a spare key from the front desk.”</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Do it tomorrow. Today?” He amended, checking his watch. Ten did too and then groaned. It was past midnight and he was exhausted now from the excitement of the evening. <span class="s1">“</span>Anyway,” Yukhei started, <span class="s1">“</span>sleep in the spare bed tonight. You can ask the front desk to let you in later.”</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>I shouldn’t,” Ten hedged but the elevator had reached their floor now and the thought of laying down was so tempting.</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span>Why not?”</p><p class="p1">Ten ducked his head. Yukhei was too nice to him and he knew that he hadn’t earned it—but he would do his best to make sure he did.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Yukhei was gone before Ten woke up but Ten didn’t worry: Yukhei had left a note.</p><p class="p1"><em>Of course, he did</em>, Ten thought as he unfolded the piece of paper propped up on the bedside table. A spare keycard slipped out on and onto the floor, and Ten leaned down to retrieve it.</p><p class="p1"><em>I went for a run.<br/></em> <em>In case you want to go get breakfast.</em></p><p class="p1">(Where had Yukhei come from? Another planet? Inhabited strictly by definitely sweet, possibly empty-headed—)</p><p class="p1">Ten stopped there, remembering what he had vowed the night before after Yukhei had bundled him up in his sweater, after he insisted that Ten take his spare bed. If Ten didn’t deserve Yukhei’s kindness then Yukhei certainly didn’t deserve Ten’s cruelty, no matter how miserable he was.</p><p class="p1">He made his bed and left the hoodie folded on top of the duvet. A note of his own was the cherry on top: <em>thanks</em>.</p><p class="p2"> </p><hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Ten was surprised how easy it was to get back into his room. He had expected a long song and dance and multiple phone calls to someone with more authority than him but the person at the front desk didn’t seem particularly surprised about Ten’s lockout or worried that he could be lying. The promise getting cleaned up and changed chased away any thoughts of security risks—he could worry about that when he was home and the trip was long behind him. All he wanted now was to stand in a hot shower until his fingers pruned.</p><p class="p1">There was a text from Yukhei waiting for him when he finally got out.</p><p class="p1"><em>See you soon</em>.</p><p class="p1">“Christ,” Ten breathed. He felt guilty for his flash of irritation for just a moment until he excused it: it was unrealistic to expect himself to go from zero to best friends with the guy. There would be times when Yukhei would annoy him and that was fine, just as long as Ten tried to be patient. So he tried.</p><p class="p1"><em>Yep</em>, Ten texted back. <em>I’ll meet you there.</em></p><p class="p1">(His mother would be so proud.)</p><p class="p1">Downstairs, Ten didn’t bother looking up the directions to the convention center and, instead, followed a wave of vaguely technical-looking people wearing glasses and lanyards. He didn’t really want to be there and if he ended up following the wrong crowd, well, it was what the universe wanted for him, wasn’t it? And who was Ten to argue with the universe?</p><p class="p1">“Fancy seeing you here,” Yukhei greeted warmly. He had two iced coffees and he offered one to Ten.</p><p class="p1">Ten breathed in slowly and then exhaled, forcing a smile. “Good morning.”</p><p class="p1">“Did you sleep all right? I hope the music didn’t bother you.”</p><p class="p1">“The music?”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei laughed. “Aw,” he said, his voice gentle. “I guess you fell asleep fast. I always put on lo-fi at night.”</p><p class="p1">Had he been <em>that</em> tired?</p><p class="p1">“That’s very on-brand for you.” Ten took a sip of his coffee and then gestured toward the door. “Shall we?”</p><p class="p1">Ten and Yukhei split up to get through the check-in lines faster and then found seats in the middle of the conference hall. There was a time, once, when Ten was at the very beginning of his career and he found the idea of conferences sort of exciting: meeting new people, hearing about new technology, seeing new cities. He wished he still felt that way when he recognized the expression on Yukhei’s face.</p><p class="p1">Ten smiled to himself. It was sort of cute, actually, how thrilled he looked.</p><p class="p1">Then the moment was ruined. A woman sitting in the row in front of them twisted around in her chair and reached out, touching Yukhei’s leg. Ten was surprised at how much such a simple gesture made him prickle but he did his best to distract himself with the coffee Yukhei bought him.</p><p class="p1">“I <em>love</em> your shirt,” she gushed.</p><p class="p1">Yukhei beamed. “Thanks!”</p><p class="p1">Ten hadn’t noticed what he was wearing before but once she turned back around, he glanced over.</p><p class="p1">“Nice Sailor Moon shirt,” he said, softly now that things were getting started on stage. “You steal that from your girlfriend?”</p><p class="p1">It came out more mean than he meant, especially after last night, but Yukhei didn’t seem to mind: he laughed and shook his head.</p><p class="p1">“No, dude,” Yukhei whispered back. “I’m gay.”</p><p class="p1">Ten blinked. How had he missed that? God, he hated it when people assumed that he was anyone other than who he was.</p><p class="p1">“I’m sorry.”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei shrugged. “I’m not,” he said cheerfully.</p><p class="p1">“No, I meant—“</p><p class="p1">“I know.” Yukhei glanced over at Ten with a smile. “It’s fine. Anyway, you were half-right: I stole it from my ex-boyfriend,” he added with a wink.</p><p class="p1">(Seriously, though. If not another planet, another country. Right?)</p><p class="p2"> </p><hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">At the lunch break, Ten and Yukhei found a cute little café within walking distance and even though Yukhei ordered more food than Ten could—would?—eat in a day, Ten offered to pay.</p><p class="p1">Halfway through his salad, he tried again: “Hey, I’m sorry.”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei snorted and held his hand up over his mouth, finishing his bite of sandwich. “Is that why you’re buying lunch?” He asked, voice muffled.</p><p class="p1">“No,” Ten said quickly, even though it was.</p><p class="p1">“How many times are you going to apologize? Do you want to go to a steakhouse? I mean, I’m down if you want to apologize there too.”</p><p class="p1">Ten’s face felt warm and he looked down at his food. He should just shut up, shouldn’t he? Maybe he could get away with saying absolutely nothing for the rest of the trip.</p><p class="p1">Yukhei’s hand moved to the tabletop between them and when Ten glanced up, he was smiling that easy smile of his. Like nothing in the world bothered him; like nothing in the world <em>could</em> bother him.</p><p class="p1">“I promise,” he said. “It’s fine. I would tell you if it really upset me. You’ve had a lot going on lately and it’s not like we talk a lot at the office anyway.”</p><p class="p1">Ten nodded and poked at his salad a few times. He was hungry but resistant; he reached for his glass of sparkling water instead.</p><p class="p1">“When did you and your ex-boyfriend break up?”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei laughed and then covered his face. “No, <em>no</em>,” he moaned behind his hands. “Now you sound like one of those well-meaning office straights.”</p><p class="p1">“What? No, I don’t!”</p><p class="p1">“You <em>do</em>. They always do this once they find out I’m gay. They always want to bond over my last break-up to show that they’re totally cool with who I am.”</p><p class="p1">“Shut up,” Ten gasped. “I do not.”</p><p class="p1">He did, and he knew it. Half of his 1:1s with his boss after he first came out at work were, more or less, exactly like that: talking about his last break-up, if he had met someone nice (he always wanted to snap that no, he had met someone <em>mean</em> and he liked it), an HBO show that had a gay character. None of it was meant to be offensive or reductive but it was exhausting.</p><p class="p1">“Can’t we talk about something else? I will bond with you over literally anything else. What’s your favorite dinosaur?”</p><p class="p1">Ten laughed. “My favorite dinosaur? I haven’t been asked that question since I was eight.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, well,” Yukhei said with a grin. “I’m asking you now. C’mon,” he added, gesturing with his hand. “Hit me.”</p><p class="p1">“I don’t know,” Ten said, shaking his head with a shrug. He picked the first one he could think of, “Ankylosaurus?”</p><p class="p1">“Ankylosaurus?” Yukhei repeated. His face grew serious. “Actually, I’m sorry I asked.”</p><p class="p1">Ten laughed again. “What’s wrong with ankylosauruses?” He twisted his mouth. “Anklyosauri?”</p><p class="p1">“It’s ‘ankylosauruseses’ and everything, and fuck you for not knowing that. We’re never going to be friends,” Yukhei deadpanned. He sighed heavily and looked back at his lunch. “You can apologize by buying me more food. I’m not saying it’ll make things better but you can try.”</p><p class="p1">“Wait, what’s your favorite dinosaur?”</p><p class="p1">“Brontosaurus. <em>Duh</em>.”</p><p class="p1">“Duh,” Ten repeated, softly. He realized after a moment he hadn’t smiled so much in months. It almost made his face hurt.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p3">Yukhei was wearing a t-shirt from Britney Spears’ Circus tour the next morning when they met in the hotel lobby. He had, of course, two iced coffees in hand, and Ten made a mental note to do his best the next morning to wake up early enough to beat him to the coffee shop.</p><p class="p3">“Were you even old enough to go to that concert?” Ten asked, plucking the last of the paper wrapper off the straw and then depositing it into Yukhei’s outstretched hand. “Or is it another one of your ex’s shirts?”</p><p class="p3">Did Yukhei date older men? Ten could imagine him as the impossibly-sweet, infinitely-smiley younger boyfriend of some guy. Arm candy for sure but that wouldn’t be the draw; no, he’d constantly be sighing wistfully about how Yukhei kept him young. Or <em>had</em>, since they had broken up.</p><p class="p3">Or maybe, like Ten, he hadn’t appreciated it. Maybe that was why they broke up: the sweetness was too earnest, too sincere. It became cloying.</p><p class="p3">Ten felt guilty and he hated feeling guilty.</p><p class="p3">“No. Found it in a thrift shop,” Yukhei said with a brilliant smile. “Do you like it?”</p><p class="p3">“I mean,” Ten started, then took a sip of his coffee. “Yeah. But do you? Or are you being ironic?”</p><p class="p3">Yukhei’s expression faded slightly. “Why would I wear a shirt for a band that I don’t like?”</p><p class="p3">Outside, the sun was out and even though it was unseasonably warm, a cool breeze reminded Ten that it was still springtime.</p><p class="p3">“Will you hold this for me?” He asked, pausing on the sidewalk and holding out his coffee. Yukhei nodded and took it, waiting patiently as Ten started to zip up his hoodie. “I don’t know a lot of guys who would readily admit that they’re into Britney Spears, let alone wear one of her t-shirts.” Straightening, he gave Yukhei an appraising look. “You just kind of throw your whole self out there, though, don’t you?”</p><p class="p3">Yukhei shrugged, his easy smile back, and he returned Ten’s coffee. “Why not? I like who I am.”</p><p class="p3">Maybe that was what made Yukhei so magnetic, Ten thought as he watched him laugh and joke with other people at the event hall. Despite Ten’s initial irritation and deep-seated desire to remain as unhappy as possible, it was hard to stay in a bad mood around him: his confidence in himself and everything he brought to the table made him approachable. Even when describing his more junior-level position to someone from another company who very clearly had years of seniority, Yukhei never once came off defensive or embarrassed. He shared about himself readily and leaned into learning more about others.</p><p class="p3">When it came time for smaller, break-out sessions, the small group fast friends he had made that morning gravitated to him, wondering where he would be next, if they could come with, and did he want to meet for dinner.</p><p class="p3">It had been a long time since Ten had felt so out of place in a professional setting and he lingered at his seat.</p><p class="p3">It would probably be better to head back to the hotel. He could lay down, it felt like he was starting to get a headache—</p><p class="p3">“Ten and I are doing dinner. Right? Ten?”</p><p class="p3">Ten’s head snapped up. “What?”</p><p class="p3">“Dinner?”</p><p class="p3">He had once again begged Yukhei off the night before, blaming the excitement with the fire alarm and not enough sleep. There was a part of him that wanted to do it again but, more surprisingly, that was dwarfed in comparison to the part of Ten that desperately wanted company. Specifically, Yukhei’s company.</p><p class="p3">“That’s right. Dinner,” Ten confirmed, nodding.</p><p class="p3">“Maybe lunch tomorrow,” Yukhei offered the crowd when they deflated visibly. “Or drinks?”</p><p class="p3">Yukhei exchanged numbers with a few people and moved closer, his fingers meshed behind the back of his head, stretching his back after hours of sitting. “There’s apparently a fantastic sushi place down the block. Wanna go?”</p><p class="p3">“Are you sure you don’t want to hang out with them? You don’t have to have dinner with me if you don’t want to. I promise I can do room service again. I probably deserve it after blowing you off.”</p><p class="p3">Yukhei laughed and brought one arm down around Ten’s shoulders, squeezing him into a side hug. “I know. I want to. Why do you think I keep asking?”</p><p class="p3"> </p>
<hr/><p class="p3"> </p><p class="p3">Yukhei was apparently not the only one who knew about the sushi restaurant: the whole damn city knew. The restaurant was crowded and loud, and the waitress didn’t even bother looking guilty for seating them in at a tiny table that would probably be better suited for two Tens or a Ten and a half of a Yukhei. Maybe teenaged Yukhei—scratch that, Ten couldn’t imagine him being shorter even when he was younger. He had probably been born a god damn giant.</p><p class="p3">“What?” Ten yelled when he saw Yukhei’s lips move.</p><p class="p3">“I said,” Yukhei spoke up, leaning in across the table until they were nearly touching noses. Ten felt his cheeks flush but he fought the urge to sit back in his chair. “Are you claustrophobic?”</p><p class="p3">“No!”</p><p class="p3">“Good!”</p><p class="p3">The waitress came back with menus and water, and Ten scanned quickly to find something as low calorie as possible. Maybe he could fill up on cucumber rolls, or just order nigiri and not eat the rice. People did that; he had seen people do that before.</p><p class="p3">(Oh god, his whole body was screaming for a caterpillar roll. Maybe five. He couldn’t remember what he had eaten for lunch but whatever it was, it hadn’t been enough.)</p><p class="p3">Yukhei said something again but Ten missed it completely, and he shook his head with a laugh.</p><p class="p3">“How the hell are you so loud at work but I can’t hear you here?” Ten said, without thinking.</p><p class="p3">Yukhei blinked and Ten realized how it sounded.</p><p class="p3">“Hey—“ He started to apologize but Yukhei barked out a laugh, slapping the tabletop hard enough for their water glasses to jump. Ten reached out to steady them automatically.</p><p class="p3">“Fuck you!” Yukhei yelled with a grin. Patrons at another table turned their heads but Yukhei’s laughter carried, and they relaxed and so did Ten.</p><p class="p3">“Fuck <em>me</em>?”</p><p class="p3">“Yeah! Are you the person who complains about me?” Ten didn’t respond but he didn’t have to: his expression gave it away. Yukhei laughed again, putting his hands over his face. Finally, when he was more composed, he asked, “Why haven’t you just told me to shut up?”</p><p class="p3">Ten was at a loss. “If you know people are complaining, why are you so loud?”</p><p class="p3">“It’s just my voice!” Yukhei said, putting up his hands helplessly. “I try but damn, have you met the guys on my team?”</p><p class="p3">That was fair: Yukhei worked with a group of guys who were equally as loud. Ten had just been an asshole about it because, well, Yukhei had been an easy target.</p><p class="p3">“Are you pissed?” When Yukhei tapped his ear and shook his head, Ten leaned in and repeated, “I said, are you pissed?”</p><p class="p3">“No! I’ll try harder when we’re back home. Please stop telling HR that I’m loud though. I don’t want to lose my job over something like that,” Yukhei added, his mouth twisting a little.</p><p class="p3">Ten’s stomach tightened. He hadn’t really thought about that when he was making his complaints. “You won’t,” he said, trying to sound assuring but it was hard to convey tone when the volume was the priority. There was no way that they’d actually fire someone for that, right? <em>Still</em>. “I’ll just talk to you about it next time. Or use my headphones. You're not even <em>that</em> loud.” Ten paused and then reached out, setting his hand over Yukhei’s gently, curling around his long fingers. “I’m sorry. I should have talked to you about it, to begin with.”</p><p class="p3">“It’s okay,” Yukhei said, glancing down at their hands. “Don’t worry about it. Sorry I’ve been disrupting your work for, like, months.”</p><p class="p3">Ten wanted to tell Yukhei that he hadn’t, that he was fine, that Ten had just been in a shitty mood but the waitress was back and Yukhei pulled his hand away to point at the menu, and then it was Ten’s turn to do the same.</p><p class="p3">“Aren’t you hungry?” Yukhei asked after the waitress left. “You had barely anything today.”</p><p class="p3">“I’m fine,” Ten said.</p><p class="p3">Yukhei looked unconvinced. “You can have some of mine if you’re still hungry. Or we can always order more.”</p><p class="p3">Ten nodded and hoped that Yukhei would let it drop.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">It took Ten a half-hour and four snoozes but he managed to wake up early the next morning, and it was all worth it to see Yukhei’s face light up when he opened his door.</p><p class="p1">“Good morning!” Ten said cheerfully, or as cheerfully as he could manage. It was hard for him to be awake this early and he had fought the urge to start drinking his coffee before meeting up with Yukhei, which meant that he was still mostly asleep.</p><p class="p1">“Hey!” Yukhei greeted, opening the door wider. He was, of course, already dressed in shorts and a tank top that showed off his broad shoulders and muscular arms and was most definitely designed to personally attack Ten. “You brought me coffee,” he said, gesturing for Ten to come in.</p><p class="p1">“And breakfast. Did I interrupt?”</p><p class="p1">“Nah,” Yukhei said with a smile. “I was going to go for a run but this is better.”</p><p class="p1">Ten wasn’t sure about that but he liked the idea. The room had changed quite a bit since Ten had stayed the night: Yukhei’s things were strewn across every spare surface, shoes taking over the floors, a laptop and an iPad on the table, clothes on Ten’s bed.</p><p class="p1"><em>Er</em>. <em>The spare bed</em>, Ten corrected himself.</p><p class="p1">“Let me just—“ Yukhei murmured, starting to clean up a little. There was a faint blush on his cheeks and it was the first time Ten had seen Yukhei flustered.</p><p class="p1">“It’s fine,” Ten said with a grin. “It’s actually a relief that you’re kind of messy.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah? Are you messy too?”</p><p class="p1">“Not at all.” Ten stuck his tongue out at Yukhei, set their breakfast on the table, and then made himself comfortable in one of the chairs. Yukhei was still bustling around, tossing a stray t-shirt toward the pile of dirty clothes, and Ten watched for a moment before he tapped the table. “It’s <em>okay</em>. Come and drink your coffee.”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei nodded and did as he was told, sitting down across from Ten and immediately reaching for his iced coffee, stirring it with his straw to blend in the almond milk.</p><p class="p1">“You didn’t have to do this,” Yukhei said after he took a long sip. “I was planning on going after my run.”</p><p class="p1">“Fair is fair. You can’t be the only one who is getting us coffee every morning. Besides,” Ten said, shaking his cup to loosen the ice, “once I’m home, I’m going to have to get coffee for myself again. Time to ease back into the reality of that.” He watched bubbles from the agitation rise to the top and then pop.</p><p class="p1">“I could get you coffee back home, too,” Yukhei offered.</p><p class="p1">There was something in his voice that made Ten glance up. Yukhei had lovely eyes. Dark, like his, but there was something about them that was more gentle.</p><p class="p1">“Why are you so nice to me?” Ten asked.</p><p class="p1">Yukhei’s smile was warm and sweet, and he shrugged, shaking his head. “You’re easy to be nice to,” he said simply, as if he had no other choice. Ten wanted so badly for that to be true.</p><p class="p1">“No, I’m not. Not to you,” he added. A knot was forming in his throat and he realized two things in rapid succession: he wanted very badly to cry and he wanted, almost as fiercely, for Yukhei to never see him cry. Yukhei would stumble over himself to comfort him and it wasn’t fair, to cry over Ten’s own bad behavior and guilt, and then make Yukhei clean him up.</p><p class="p1">Yukhei didn’t respond right away and Ten could feel his heart rate pick up. <em>Oh god.</em> Maybe he should have just left well enough alone. Ten ducked his head and waited for Yukhei to call him out.</p><p class="p1">“I never took it personally.” Yukhei paused and tilted his head in consideration. “I guess sometimes I took it personally, but,” he shrugged again, “I don’t know, I’m human.”</p><p class="p1">Ten ran his thumb over the condensation that had gathered on his cup. “It wasn’t you.”</p><p class="p1">“I know.”</p><p class="p1">“I’ve just been so sad.” Tears burned behind Ten’s eyes now.</p><p class="p1">“I know,” Yukhei said softly and put his hand on Ten’s wrist. “I went through a really bad breakup in college. I took it out on myself at first and then, when that hurt too much, I started taking it out on anyone who got close. That whole ‘hurt people hurt people’ thing? It’s so fucking cheesy and stupid but it’s true. It was true for me.”</p><p class="p1">“It’s a lot easier to, like, hate everyone else.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah.” Yukhei paused and then squeezed Ten’s wrist. “It’s probably easier to hate yourself too. You know you don’t deserve that, right?”</p><p class="p1">Ten exhaled, slow and shaky. It didn’t matter if he didn’t want to cry, not anymore: waves of sadness crashed over him and he reached up to brush his tears away.</p><p class="p1">“Sorry,” he said with a self-deprecating laugh. “I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to deal with this. You probably just wanted to go on your run and here I am—“</p><p class="p1">“You don’t have to apologize. C’mere,” Yukhei breathed and stood, pulling Ten to his feet and into his arms.</p><p class="p1">Ten had half-expected an awkward side-hug or maybe a light pat on the back but he realized he probably should have known better. Instead, Yukhei wrapped his arms around him, one hand on the back of his head, guiding him into the crook of his neck, and it was then that Ten let go. He cried, long and hard, harder than he had let himself before, until it was more than just crying: until he was sobbing.</p><p class="p1">“I’m sorry,” he said, when he could. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. I left <em>him</em>.”</p><p class="p1">“It’s okay.” Yukhei stroked his palm over the back of Ten’s head gently. “You don’t have to understand why. It’s okay to cry.” They stood there in silence for a beat longer and then Yukhei murmured, “Do you want to hear something neat?”</p><p class="p1">Ten hiccuped with unexpected laughter and leaned back, scrubbing his face with one of his hands. “Yeah.”</p><p class="p1">“My therapist told me crying releases endorphins and activates the parasympathetic nervous system. That’s why you feel calmer after you cry: because you’re completing a stress cycle and your body is going into rest mode again.” Yukhei smiled at Ten fondly. “Don’t ever feel bad about crying. You’re doing exactly what you should be doing after experiencing something hard.”</p><p class="p1">Ten pushed himself back into Yukhei’s arms for a hug, pressing his face into his chest. “Thank you.”</p><p class="p1">“Always.” Yukhei squeezed Ten tightly then, as he stepped away, said, “Hey, do you want to play hooky with me?”</p><p class="p1">“What? Skip the morning session?”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei grinned and shrugged. “Or maybe the whole day? I don’t know. It’s not like we’re getting graded on it or anything. We could go do something fun, instead.”</p><p class="p1">Ten thought of all of the times he had visited before and what he had done during his free time. “The ocean is two hours away. We could go for a day trip,” he offered and then laughed as Yukhei’s eyes widened with excitement. “We could go visit the aquarium—or go see the tide pools when the tides are low. I saw some right by the hotel I stayed at last time.”</p><p class="p1">“Okay, okay. Yes. Loving this,” Yukhei said, nodding his head, then held up his hands. “But could we take it to the next level? What if we just stayed until Sunday morning and came back for our flights?”</p><p class="p1"><em>He’s like a little kid</em>, Ten thought affectionately. He could almost see Yukhei sprinting off to the car and buckling up long before Ten was ready to go. Still, as intoxicating as that energy was, Ten hesitated. “It’d be cutting it kind of close, wouldn’t it?”</p><p class="p1">“I’m a morning person—obviously,” Yukhei added with a gesture toward his workout clothes. “I can get us back in time. Trust me,” he said, pressing his finger over Ten’s lips before he could say no. “Just go pack. This’ll be great.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">It wasn’t hard to find a car rental but it was expensive, both due to it being the weekend and because Yukhei was somehow even younger than Ten realized he was.</p><p class="p1">“Are you even old enough to drink?” He teased Yukhei as he signed the paperwork.</p><p class="p1">Yukhei’s face flushed for the second time that day, all the way to his ears. <em>Cute</em>. Ten had to fight the urge to reach over and tug on his earlobe.</p><p class="p1">“I don’t know this man. He’s not with me,” Yukhei told the clerk and Ten grinned, looping their arms together, his fingers grasping the sleeve of his sweater. When the clerk turned to get the rental key, Yukhei leaned into Ten heavily, making Ten huff and push back. Yukhei retaliated by putting an arm around Ten and squeezing him tight, exhaling a soft laugh when Ten squeaked; it wasn't until another couple entered the office that he cleared his throat and finally relented. “Did you find the phone number for the hotel you stayed at last time? Maybe they have vacancies.”</p><p class="p1">Ten straightened his sweater. “I called while you were packing. There are a few single rooms but no view.”</p><p class="p1">“Gross,” Yukhei said, wrinkling his nose.</p><p class="p1">“Right? If I’m going to the ocean, I want to <em>see</em> the ocean. So I booked the suite. Full ocean-view, fireplace.” Ten did his best to sound completely casual with the next part: “Two queen-sized beds.”</p><p class="p1">If Yukhei was surprised, he did a good job of hiding it. “Cool,” he said simply.</p><p class="p1">“I figured we’ve already shared a room.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” Yukhei said with a nod. “Exactly.” Then he bumped into Ten with his shoulder and winked. “You’ll have to tell me if you like the lo-fi tonight.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I lost the pacing of this, uh, weeks ago, when my focus went out the door. But I think I can be okay with that. I blame work 👏🏼</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">With traffic, it took them a half hour to reach the suburbs and from there, it was another twenty minutes before the houses started thinning out and pools and yards were replaced with large fields. The last time Ten had flown in, it was the middle of summer and everything was lush and beautiful; it was too early in the year for the leaves to be back on the trees and for the fields to be thick and green but every so often, he would see the hints of a return.</p>
<p class="p1">Yukhei let Ten pick the music and Ten had done his best to choose something intolerable, just for fun, but Yukhei just smiled when he turned on Taylor Swift. “I have a Britney Spears t-shirt—you really think I don’t have Taylor Swift lyrics tattooed on my heart?”</p>
<p class="p1">(It wasn’t fair but for a moment, Ten let himself compare Yukhei to Kun. He remembered the shocks of shame that went through him every time his car connected to Bluetooth and started playing whatever he had been listening to last. He couldn’t imagine feeling that way around Yukhei; he couldn’t imagine him irritably, automatically turning down the volume. He’d just sing along. Wouldn’t he?)</p>
<p class="p1">“<em>Folklore</em> or <em>Evermore</em>,” Ten prompted and then laughed when Yukhei made a face.</p>
<p class="p1">“Don’t make me choose.”</p>
<p class="p1">“You have to! <em>Folklore</em> or <em>Evermore</em>,” he repeated with a grin.</p>
<p class="p1">Yukhei worried his bottom lip. “<em>Folklore.</em> Wait—no, yeah. <em>Folklore</em>. What about you?”</p>
<p class="p1">“<em>Evermore</em>. Duh,” Ten said, feigning exasperation.</p>
<p class="p1">“Why? <em>Folklore </em>is so good. It’s got ‘Invisible String’, that whole Betty and James storyline—“</p>
<p class="p1">Ten twisted his mouth and looked out the window. He hated that storyline: it brought up too many bad memories and complicated feelings. “’Invisible String’ is good,” he allowed.</p>
<p class="p1">Beside him, Yukhei reached for the car’s touch screen and, carefully, tapped his way through until the track started.</p>
<p class="p1">Ten liked the idea of fate. There had been a moment or two (or more, if he were being honest with himself) that he thought all of the moments of his life had led him to Kun: the stupid, closeted relationships he had in high school; the struggle of coming out; the loneliness in college until Kun walked into that coffee shop, all smiles and dimples and bright eyes. It had been a blind date that Ten nearly called off. After they had started dating, he counted all of his lucky stars that he hadn’t.</p>
<p class="p1">After they broke up, he wished with every fiber of his being that he had.</p>
<p class="p1">“Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons,” Yukhei sang beneath his breath, drawing Ten’s attention back to the present and he glanced over at Yukhei with a smile. “One single thread of gold tied me to you.”</p>
<p class="p1">“I never would have taken you for a Swiftie,” Ten said.</p>
<p class="p1">Yukhei grinned and lifted his chin, looking incredibly proud of himself. “I do like to surprise people.”</p>
<p class="p1">“I can see that.”</p>
<p class="p1">When the song ended, Ten skipped through the playlist before settling on ‘Seven.’ Outside, the fields had given way to the hills and woods of the coastal range. It had been a pretty drive through the mountains the last time he had made it; he had thought Kun would enjoy it.</p>
<p class="p1">Ten cleared his throat, hoping to dislodge the knot forming. “Can I ask you a personal question?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Sure,” Yukhei said, cutting his eyes from the road to Ten for just a moment. “Anything.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Did you like therapy?”</p>
<p class="p1">Yukhei laughed shortly and then tilted his head back and forth as if he couldn’t decide. “Uh, I don’t know if ‘enjoy’ is the word for it, you know? It was great and it was terrible, all at once.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Why terrible?”</p>
<p class="p1">“I mean,” Yukhei hesitated. “Who wants to make an appointment to go and sit down and talk about a break-up for an hour each week.”</p>
<p class="p1">Ten nodded. “Why did you go then?”</p>
<p class="p1">“My mom.” Yukhei shrugged. “My mom said that I had changed. That I was this angry person, all of the time, and that wasn’t like me. Part of me realized it while it was happening, too, like the littlest things would just set me off and I would be stuck like that for hours.”</p>
<p class="p1">“What happened? You don’t have to—I mean, you know, obviously, if you don’t want to talk about it we don’t have to,” Ten said, stumbling over the words.</p>
<p class="p1">“I don’t know. That was the worst part,” Yukhei said with a smile and glanced over at Ten again. “He just ghosted me. And then I found out later that he’s, you know, happily engaged to some very nice girl. Good for him,” Yukhei breathed, without any heat or heart. “I hope they’re very happy together. They probably are.”</p>
<p class="p1">Ten reached for Yukhei’s hand on the gear stick and he threaded their fingers together.</p>
<p class="p1">“I would be angry, too,” Ten said softly. “Kun, he…”</p>
<p class="p1">It was too hard to say out loud. The words kept catching in his throat before they even reached his tongue; the knot now felt like a hand, heavy and threatening.</p>
<p class="p1">Yukhei nodded and squeezed Ten’s hand. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.</p>
<p class="p1">Ten nodded and looked at their clasped hands. “Therapy helped though?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah, with time. It was really frustrating in the beginning though, like, I just wanted her to tell me it was fucked up and I was allowed to be angry or sad or whatever.”</p>
<p class="p1">“You wanted the validation.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah—and she’d be like, ‘you don’t need me to tell you that it’s fucked up.’”</p>
<p class="p1">Ten laughed. “She said that?”</p>
<p class="p1">“I mean, I’m paraphrasing. Obviously. But the gist of it, yeah, was like, I didn’t need her to tell me it was fucked up. It took me a really long time for me to understand that what she was saying was that I didn’t necessarily need her to confirm that yes, it was in fact super fucked up.”</p>
<p class="p1">“What mattered was that <em>you</em> felt it was fucked up.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Kind of,” Yukhei said with a laugh. “She wanted me to know that I didn’t need someone else to give me permission to be hurt. I get to choose how I felt. And then, you know, over time, I realized that I could also choose to not feel hurt about it.” Yukhei must have caught Ten’s incredulous look from the corner of his eye because he squeezed his hand again. “It hurt, right? But if I wanted to feel differently, I wasn’t stuck in that hurt. I could move on. I could choose to feel differently. Does that make sense?”</p>
<p class="p1">It did, sort of. It was just hard for Ten to imagine feeling any differently about his breakup.</p>
<p class="p1">“I guess I see you doing that with other stuff, too. Like today, when you said you didn’t take it personally.”</p>
<p class="p1">Yukhei nodded. “Like, if it’s not about me, then why do I let it bother me? I could feel differently. I could understand that you’re going through a lot and feel empathy because I’ve been there. I could feel patience. I could decide that I’m just going to continue being myself, no matter how you respond, because it makes me feel happy to be who I am. I could decide to cut my losses. I mean, that was always an option too.”</p>
<p class="p1">“I’m glad you didn’t,” Ten murmured, after thinking about it. He stroked his thumb over Yukhei’s hand. “I’m glad you just stayed yourself.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Me too.” Yukhei smiled over at Ten.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p><hr/>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">They made good time through the mountains and Ten could smell when they were close because the air turned salty and if he had been alone, he would have opened his mouth to try and taste it too. It was too early to check-in so they parked the car at the first public parking lot they found and walked the few minutes down the street to where the sidewalk ended and the fencing parted, and then the ocean stretched out in front of them, as far as they could see.</p>
<p class="p1">“If I could live anywhere, it would be here.”</p>
<p class="p1">Ten had never seen Yukhei so happy.</p>
<p class="p1">As beautiful as it was, the spring wind coming off the ocean was cold and Ten’s teeth chattered audibly before he could help himself.</p>
<p class="p1">“We really need to work on you dressing for the weather,” Yukhei teased as he tugged off his sweater and handed it to Ten.</p>
<p class="p1">“Are you just one of those freakishly warm people?” Ten grumbled.</p>
<p class="p1">“Oh yeah. I’m a goddamn furnace at all times.” Yukhei moved to stand behind Ten once he had the sweater on and when he wrapped his arms around Ten’s shoulders, Ten reached back automatically. “Do you see the lighthouse?” Yukhei’s voice was a deep rumble in his ear, incredibly distracting to the point that Ten wasn’t sure if he saw anything at all.</p>
<p class="p1">“Where?”</p>
<p class="p1">“There.” Yukhei pointed and Ten followed his finger until he saw the lighthouse in the marine layer.</p>
<p class="p1">“Why isn’t it on? It’s so foggy.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Maybe it’s decommissioned. Ships don’t really need them anymore, you know?”</p>
<p class="p1">Ten turned his head so he could glance back at Yukhei. “You’re really into this stuff.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Oh yeah. It’s totally my jam.” Yukhei grinned. “You know how some kids get into, like, cars or bugs and stuff? I was really, deeply, and intensely into the ocean. I wanted to be a marine biologist.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Why didn’t you?”</p>
<p class="p1">Yukhei shrugged, his smile fading. “Not a lot of money in it, I guess. At least, not as much as tech. My parents wanted me to be financially stable.”</p>
<p class="p1">The gears in Ten’s brain started turning. He hated the idea of Yukhei giving up something that he loved. “What if you worked for a research company? Or just a company that helps develop software for research and conservation. There’s got to be a way to combine the two, right?”</p>
<p class="p1">Yukhei’s arms around Ten tightened a little. “Then I wouldn’t be working with you.”</p>
<p class="p1">His words brought an unexpected blush to Ten’s face and he turned back to the wind and the water. Yukhei was teasing though, right? It was just a joke. He couldn't imagine a world where Yukhei liked <em>him</em>.</p>
<p class="p1">“Don’t worry about that,” Ten said anyway, looking at the lighthouse, strong and safe despite the waves crashing against the rocks along the shore of its small island. “You’ve got me. No matter where you go.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah?” Yukhei asked.</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah.”</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">“I’m going to fall.”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei laughed and shook his head. “You’re not going to fall,” he said, his voice patient and loving.</p><p class="p1">“<em>I am</em>. I’m going to slip on a rock and fall,” Ten insisted. “I’ll die.”</p><p class="p1">They had spent the rest of the day at the aquarium and then, after checking into their hotel room, they walked down the block to a cute little restaurant where Yukhei insisted on ordering wine with dinner and Ten had, perhaps, more to drink than to eat.</p><p class="p1">(“My treat,” he had said, covering the check with his palm, as if it were a date, and Ten had fluttered, even though he knew it wasn’t.)</p><p class="p1">The temperature had dropped as the sun started going down and the wind picked up but the wine and Yukhei’s jacket kept Ten warm, warm enough to let Ten get talked into visiting the tide pools before they returned to their room.</p><p class="p1">“You <em>won’t</em>.” Yukhei, balanced on a rock, held out his hand and smiled. “I won’t let you fall. C’mon, before the tide comes back in.”</p><p class="p1">Ten hesitated—he really didn’t make it a habit to climb around on wet rocks while tipsy, but it was hard to say no to Yukhei. Especially when he was reaching for him, especially when Ten knew in his heart of hearts that if he <em>did</em> fall, Yukhei would be there to catch him. He nodded and took Yukhei’s hand, and let himself be guided through the tide pools until Yukhei found what he was looking for.</p><p class="p1">“Look,” Yukhei said, crouching down, Ten’s hand still clasped in his. “Sea anemones.”</p><p class="p1">“They look kind of sad.” Ten joined him at the edge of the tide pool and gave the anemone an appraising look: it was nothing like <em>Finding Nemo</em>. It actually looked sort of dead but Ten managed to keep that comment to himself.</p><p class="p1">“That’s because the tide is out. They sort of collapse in on themselves without the water around them,” Yukhei explained. “When the tide comes back in, they’ll be fine. Look, those ones are better submerged,” he added, pointing to another nearby pool before making his move.</p><p class="p1">Ten followed, carefully picking his way across the rocks. He wished he were as tall as Yukhei, with his long, strong legs.</p><p class="p1">“Careful,” Yukhei said, holding Ten at his waist when his step came up short and his foot began to slip.</p><p class="p1">“I told you!” Ten reached for Yukhei, grasping at his forearms, and then scowled when he laughed.</p><p class="p1">“You’re fine,” he breathed.</p><p class="p1">(Ten told himself the rushing sound in his ears was just the ocean. He told himself his red cheeks were from the wind—or the wine. He told himself there was no way he could zero to smitten in the course of just a few days.)</p><p class="p1">“These ones are more open,” Yukhei said, returning to the sea anemones.</p><p class="p1">They reminded Ten of flowers, blooming underwater. He knelt down to get a better look and felt Yukhei’s hand on his shoulder, steadying him before Yukhei knelt down, too.</p><p class="p1">“When I was younger, my parents used to sign me up for marine biology camp in the summer,” Yukhei said softly. “The counselors let us touch them. You really shouldn’t, they’re fragile and the oils from your hands can be harmful, but we didn’t know better back then.”</p><p class="p1">“What do they feel like?”</p><p class="p1">“The sides,” Yukhei said, gesturing with his hands, “are so soft.” He smiled and tilted his head with consideration, “Wet feathers, kind of? I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. The tentacles are sticky,” he added, wrinkling his nose.</p><p class="p1">“Sticky?” Ten laughed.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” Yukhei said with a nod. “They have these little barbs on them and they sting, but human skin is too tough. So it just feels sticky. I used to run my fingers through them and just let them stick.” He bit his bottom lip and then shrugged, suddenly bashful. “Dumb.”</p><p class="p1">“No, not at all,” Ten said. He could imagine Yukhei, much younger, his eyes wide with wonder, a hand in the tide pool. “That’s cool. I wish I could feel them.”</p><p class="p1">“I feel bad about it now.”</p><p class="p1">“You shouldn’t. You were doing your best with what you knew.” Ten shifted on his feet and leaned against Yukhei as carefully as possible, not wanting to knock him over and into the water. “What else do you see?”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei scanned the water and then pointed. “Urchins. There’s a sea star over there.” He sighed happily. “I really love it here. I could do this all day.”</p><p class="p1">They stayed there, watching the anemones sway in the water as waves became higher behind them and the tide started to come back in, and then, finally, Yukhei stood and offered Ten his hand again. “We should be getting back. It’ll be harder make good on my promise if the rocks get wetter,” he said and stuck out his tongue.</p><p class="p1">It was short work to get back to the beach from their current place on the rocks. There wasn’t a reason for them to hold on to one another any longer but their hands stayed close as they walked slowly back to the hotel, hands brushing against one another at first before Yukhei looped one of his fingers around Ten’s, and then Ten couldn’t pretend it was the ocean or the wind or the wine anymore, or that it wasn’t a possibility Yukhei felt the same.</p><p class="p2"> </p>
<hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Ten showered first and had climbed underneath his covers by the time Yukhei finished up and stepped out of the bathroom, rubbing at his wet hair, wearing only a pair of pajama pants. Sharing a room hadn’t been a bad idea a few days ago when Ten was exhausted from the trip and being woken up by the fire alarm, but he was starting to think that he had made a huge mistake thinking that he could possibly share a room with Yukhei now.</p><p class="p1">“Anything good on TV?” Yukhei asked, pausing at the foot of his bed, still rubbing the towel through his hair.</p><p class="p1">“Not really,” Ten said.</p><p class="p1">He had clicked through every single channel while trying desperately to distract himself from the fact that Yukhei—built-like-a-Greek-God Yukhei, his fantastically sweet and incredibly attractive co-worker Yukhei—was in the shower. Good God, was he in high school?</p><p class="p1">(<em>Yes</em>. That was the only way to explain the way he had felt, all giddy and anxious and sweaty palms.)</p><p class="p1">“I have <em>Howl’s Moving Castle</em> on my iPad,” Yukhei offered. “Movie night at my place?” He winked, nodding at his bed.</p><p class="p1">“Um,” Ten stumbled over his words, “sure. Yeah, sure.”</p><p class="p1">He was, thankfully, much more graceful climbing out of his bed, even though it felt like he was in a dream. Yukhei turned off a few of the unneeded lights around the room and hung up the towel, and then pulled his iPad out of his carry-on bag.</p><p class="p1">“Do you always sleep on the right side of the bed?” Yukhei asked as he tapped through the screens.</p><p class="p1">“No. I’m usually on the left,” Ten answered as he made himself comfortable, a pillow behind his back.</p><p class="p1">Yukhei glanced up and stuck out his tongue. “You’ll have to fight me for it.”</p><p class="p1">“Done,” Ten heard himself say automatically. <em>The wine</em>, he thought. Hoped.</p><p class="p1">Yukhei’s brow lifted a little and then he was climbing into bed beside Ten, his knees propped up for the screen. “Are you comfortable? You can’t see very well from there. I can—“ He started and then put his arm around Ten’s shoulders, scooting a little closer. “Better?”</p><p class="p1">He smelled like peppermint and his skin was warm and smooth.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” Ten breathed.</p><p class="p1">“Good.”</p><p class="p1">Fifteen minutes in, Ten slouched a little, letting his head rest on Yukhei’s shoulder; Yukhei responded by leaning his cheek against Ten’s hair. Five minutes later, Ten pulled his knees up and to the side, tucking himself in closer, and Yukhei’s arm tightened around his shoulders. Soon after—Ten wasn’t sure how soon, his nerves made him lose track of time—Ten slid his arm around Yukhei’s waist and Yukhei ran his fingertips along Ten’s arm. When Ten shuddered at the tickle around his elbow, Yukhei cleared his throat.</p><p class="p1">“I really like you,” he said softly, still looking at the iPad, his head still resting against Ten’s.</p><p class="p1">“I don’t know why,” Ten whispered back.</p><p class="p1">“Why wouldn’t I?”</p><p class="p1">(A mean part of Ten could think of a few reasons but he bit his tongue.)</p><p class="p1">“I think you might like me, too,” Yukhei continued, carefully, “but if you don’t—“</p><p class="p1">“It’s okay,” Ten interrupted him. “I do. I like you too.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah?”</p><p class="p1">Ten pressed his lips together and then nodded. “Yeah.”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei’s thumb stroked over the sensitive skin of his inner arm. “Can I kiss you?”</p><p class="p1">Ten didn’t answer. Instead, he lifted his head and reached for Yukhei’s chin, tilting his face down, and pressed their lips together. Chaste at first, then Yukhei’s initial surprise passed and he moved his hand to cradle the back of Ten’s head as he leaned in and deepened their kiss.</p><p class="p1">“I promise I didn’t invite you over here just to make out,” Yukhei breathed against Ten’s mouth in between hungry kisses. “I really thought we could just watch the movie, but you’re so <em>soft</em> and you smell so <em>good</em>—“</p><p class="p1">“It’s okay,” Ten murmured and he moved the iPad out of Yukhei’s lap so he could take its place. “I wouldn’t have minded if you did.”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei grinned up at Ten and then bit his bottom lip, and Ten couldn’t remember the last time someone had looked at him like that: like he was perfect. Like he was magic.</p><p class="p1">Ten braced his arm on the wall and leaned down to recapture Yukhei’s mouth and, at the same time, he rolled his hips against Yukhei’s and relished the way his breath caught. Yukhei’s hands moved to Ten’s waist and they moved together as they kissed, Ten in a lazy, slow grind and Yukhei pushing up against him.</p><p class="p1">“Can I take this off?” Yukhei asked when his hands kept drifting beneath his shirt and Ten nodded and sat back long enough for Yukhei to pull it up over his head. “Wow,” Yukhei said softly, letting his head drop back against the wall with a gentle thud, one hand stroking up along Ten’s side. “You’re beautiful, you know?”</p><p class="p1">Ten ducked his head with a smile, then traced a finger over Yukhei’s chest, down to the ripple of muscle of his core, and then further still until he reached the waistband of Yukhei’s pajama pants. He could feel Yukhei getting hard against him, there was no way to avoid it; the only thing that made him hesitate was the fact that they worked together.</p><p class="p1">“We can just make out,” Yukhei whispered as if he could read his mind. “I’m okay if we just make out.”</p><p class="p1">Ten nodded. “I know, I just—“</p><p class="p1">He wanted more.</p><p class="p1">Ten leaned back in and kissed Yukhei as his hand pushed between them, palming Yukhei’s cock through the fabric of his sweats. Yukhei’s groan vibrated against Ten’s lips and he could feel Yukhei push up into his hand as he stroked; before long, Yukhei reached down and eased the waistband of his pajamas down, a silent invitation that Ten was more than happy to accept.</p><p class="p1">“Baby,” Ten breathed as he leaned back and glanced down. Yukhei’s cock was long and thick, and pre-cum beaded at the tip. “You get so wet,” he sighed, swiping his thumb over the slick head of his cock.</p><p class="p1">Yukhei’s laugh shuddered out of him and he leaned forward, pressing open-mouthed, sucking kisses to Ten’s shoulder. “When I’m really turned on…” He murmured.</p><p class="p1">As if he had to explain himself. <em>Cute</em>.</p><p class="p1">Ten wrapped his fist around the head of Yukhei’s cock and watched his work as he slowly stroked him, and when Yukhei’s cock pulsed in his hand, he could feel himself throb in response. A week ago, he never could have imagined that he’d be like this, in Yukhei’s lap, jerking him off; now he couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.</p><p class="p1">“Baby, you’re so big,” Ten whined and then he giggled as Yukhei thrust up into his grasp. Glancing up, he smirked. “You like that? You like it when I talk dirty to you?”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei nodded, panting softly through parted lips. A beautiful flush draped over his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, and it was so pretty, Ten wished he could take a picture.</p><p class="p1">“Mm,” Ten hummed. “I can do that.” Leaning forward, he nuzzled into the side of Yukhei’s face and breathed, “I’m going to need to ride that big fucking cock of yours. Can you imagine? Me on top of you, fucking myself on your cock. I don’t know how I’m going to take it all.“</p><p class="p1">“Ten,” Yukhei whimpered helplessly, thrusting up into his fist again. His hands held Ten’s upper thighs, fingertips digging in; there would be bruises tomorrow morning but Ten didn’t care. He picked up his pace and pressed his face into Yukhei’s neck, whining as if he actually were riding him.</p><p class="p1">“Yukhei, <em>fuck</em>,” he breathed. “It’s so much—“</p><p class="p1">Yukhei was in motion and had Ten flat on his back before he realized what was happening. Heart pounding, he watched as Yukhei kneeled over him, his hand flying over his cock, the other tugging at the waistband of Ten’s shorts, exposing his lower stomach.</p><p class="p1">“I’ll fuck you,” Yukhei hissed.</p><p class="p1">“Fuck me,” Ten gasped, arching his back. “Yukhei, please—“</p><p class="p1">“Ten—!” Yukhei came with a broken moan, his back rounding as he curled forward, his cum painting Ten’s belly. “Fuck,” he panted, “fuck, fuck.”</p><p class="p1">Ten felt faint. His whole body was thrumming with need, his cock ached from being so hard for so long, but all he could think to do was to run his hands over Yukhei’s warm shoulders until Yukhei had come back down to earth.</p><p class="p1">“Let me make you come,” Yukhei breathed as he looked up.</p><p class="p1">“Oh fuck, please.”</p><p class="p1">Yukhei tugged Ten’s shorts off with one swift movement and then, as he took Ten’s cock into his hand, he ducked his head and wrapped those beautiful lips around him. In any other situation, Ten would have been embarrassed at how quickly he was coming but as he spilled into Yukhei’s mouth, fingers curled and pulling ruthlessly at his hair, he couldn’t find it in him to care. Not even for a moment.</p><p class="p1">“Oh my god,” Ten heard himself say. “Holy shit.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” Yukhei said softly as he collapsed on the bed next to him. </p><p class="p1">Ten reached for Yukhei’s hand, kissed it, then pulled Yukhei to him, guiding his head into his shoulder.</p><p class="p1">“I think that’s still technically making out. Right?” Yukhei said, his voice muffled, and Ten slapped his back with a laugh.</p>
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